( PaschimpressEnglish ) -
Being a teenager I never felt the significance of NO, until one day it came to the survival of my existence. I have always prepared the image of a good girl in my subconscious as it has been installed in my mechanical mind since I was a small kid. From my parents to my teachers, all have helped me to install goodness in myself. So good deeds started acting like dopamine to my being and any mistake started being added to my guilt list. As it is impossible to be good every time soon I realized I had more guilt in comparison to my good deeds.
Neither the good deeds were making me happy anymore. Rather it has successfully built an ego in me of being good and a barrier around me where I am too quick to judge everyone who is not good enough. The wall of judgment started being so huge as if it was a skyscraper and the circle around me started being smaller.
The wall of judgment slowly turned into a mirror in front of me. It started showing all the flaws I had been carrying since a child. The mirror was so impeccably clean that all I could see was the abundance of faults that made me guilty of who am I exactly. The goodness in me was comparatively lesser than the guilt inside of me reflected as I could see the good being good enough to compromise so easily. I could see both were there.
The goodness was there, the badness was there equally. Slowly the picture started to fade away and I could see nothing. There was nothing left to see, feel, listen to, smell, and touch. I used the same mirror to see the things around me. First, I took a closer look into nature where I could see everything from both sides. I saw how beautiful the sound of the birds can be and at the same time how daunting the sound of thunder is. I felt how healing nature is when it rains, and how traumatizing natural disasters can be in one’s life. I realized how everything in nature is playing both roles so beautifully.
Then I made a closer look at humans. I met beautiful souls who poured love, affection, and care into me unconditionally. I also met some people who were unkind towards me and asked for love in the most unloving ways. I could feel every emotion in me regarding people. To some, I felt an overflowing river of love inside me for them, to some I felt anguish, too many I felt kindness and also to some I felt rudeness in me for them. But what I realized so far is that everyone is seeking love, those who can be loved are pouring it and receiving it naturally. Those who cannot be loved, are asking for it in the weirdest and most unusual ways and are complicating their lives as well people around them.
I realized how we should be able to say A BIG NO to both goodness and badness. These both disappear once the mirror is impeccably clean. They just appear in the beginning then slowly they go somewhere which I could find nowhere. So to both goodness and badness, I say a big No for their existence in my existence. Our existence is beyond all the good and bad. It is omnipresent and omnipotent.